Surrender before You Begin

Ba is for Bismillahirrahmaanirraheem
and B for Buttons that do not function during summer ;)

Today I am going to write about something that has changed in my life. I'm going to share an experience that I had almost six years ago while I was in the First Year of Medical School.

It was the first day of school, and I remember being so excited!

 I gathered my books and stationary all ready to delve into the madness of becoming a medical student.

 However to my surprise, the first lecture we had was being taught in an arabic medium. 

and so were the other following lectures. 

My excitement turned into slight disappointment.

I mean, regardless of any course you are taking, you will definitely face difficulties in understanding them if they were taught in a foreign language.

 Especially if the language was far beyond the formal teachings you learnt in school due to its modification to its locality, the accents, slang and all.

.

So at that point, I remember coming home, understanding only 10 % of the lecture 

and then had to drill my brain studying more and more. It was tough.

 But I got through it with a Beautiful Help from ALLAH.

It was an Aya in Suratul Baqarah that I routinely recite before class. However only at that point that it touched me.

This was the miracle

 قَالُواْ سُبۡحَـٰنَكَ لَا عِلۡمَ لَنَآ إِلَّا مَا عَلَّمۡتَنَآ‌ۖ إِنَّكَ أَنتَ ٱلۡعَلِيمُ ٱلۡحَكِيمُ

They said: Be glorified! We have no knowledge saving that which Thou hast taught us. Lo! Thou, only Thou, art the Knower, the Wise. (32)

I remember reciting it with all my heart at the beginning of  every lecture and I still do.

Everytime I do it, I always feel so small, so tiny, so humble.

It is because that, I know that whatever I am going to learn in that session is going to be bizzarre information

 that sometimes even my brain cannot contain it.

 I feel like everything is too complicated for me. 

So THAT is when I submit and glorify ALLAH. 

It is because, everything that is about to be taught is known to Him.

 as He is The Creator to all the knowledge, may they be simple, or overwhelmingly complicated.

So I surrender.

I surrender even before I listen to the first word from the lecturer.

I surrender even though I know it's the simplest thing ever.

I surrender even before I become too sleepy due to the lengthy discussions.

  

I surrender because I realize that no matter how easy or difficult the knowledge is.

 It is He who Has the Power to Bestow upon me understanding or otherwise.

 In that Class of 30, it is He who Selects

 the person whom He Wants to Grant Understanding upon

of either a certain topic or the whole subject.

 I mean, the lecture could be in English and Professor could be so interesting. But for all you know, you'd be sleepy or imagining lunch at that time. Hence, the statement above.

 Or it could be a complex biochemical reaction not only breaking your brains but also your heart! but you could be so alert that you'll remember them till the they you die.

So, I practise this dua everyday. 

It is very short, but everytime I recite it, my heart says,

"Right now I'm zero and helpless.

 Please grant me understanding of this knowledge by the Greatness of Your Power. 

Because You are The Creator, I ask to understand the whole lecture.

 But it is also within Your Power to Save some information to keep my wanting for more. 

After all they're all Yours

 and I surrender."

So the thing that changed in my life that I mentioned earlier, is the way I view knowledge.

It has made my studies less stressful and enjoyable.

Every lesson is a lesson not only between me and my teacher,

but also a very formal one between me and my Creator.

Muhammad Mashary Zidane uttered his first 'ba' letter a few days ago just before Maghrib.

and a few more times for his Walid after Maghrib,

Today, he refused to do so, maybe we should move on to 'ma' 

hahaha

anyways, Good Job Baby!

 wa 'ala kulli haaalin,

SUBHANALLAH !

GLORY BE TO ALLAH!

Post #50. Freeze the moments.

Bismillahirrahmaanirraheem.

Alhamdulillah

for after almost two years of activating this blog, already ( only ) 50 posts are being posted !

To celebrate that, this 50th post will be dedicated to the blog itself.

I was having lunch with one of my dearest friends, Nurul, and we were discussing about how we are always wanting stuff in life. We feel like life starts after we own something or more commonly achieve something.

I mean, since we were little girls, we would always have dreams of becoming a career woman, falling in love with prince charming, getting married in an extravagant dress, having beautiful kids and so on...

The thing is that, at every point in our lives, we tend to tell ourselves that we will only be happy if...!

And true to that statement, we work very very hard to achieve what we wanted.

However, for all you know, right after getting it, we will then yearn for something else,

 and will only be happy  then.

and so the cycle goes on and on, and naudzubillah we will never be happy until the day we die.

So Nurul and I decided that it was time, that we appreciate what we have and be thankful.

Not just by saying thank you, but by enjoying life as it is. 

Making the best of every moment we have, may it be good or bad. 

It is somehow funny that good times pass so fast but bad times linger around us longer.

 However it is even funnier to me that I feel closer to myself and those around me during the bad times rather than the good.

Subhnallah.

 For only ALLAH Knows what's best for us.

and nothing is funny bout the paragraph above as we often refer trials and tribulations as bad events but little do we know that those are our real teachers in life. 

So any good or bad events is not for us to judge. Cruise thru it with the best you've got.

I realized that writing in the blog has enabled me to freeze some moments in my life for me to see and appreciate every single thing in my life, cause sometimes life moves so fast that you don't get to grasp its beauty or the wisdom it holds.

Every second is about learning something and every second is about celebrating!

Celebrating the Neverending Love of The Creator!

So, let's celebrate by thanking Him, not only with words but also by actions.

that is to use all that we have, all that we are,

 in worshiping Him.

Whatever you do, turn them into forms of Ibadah or worship by having pure intentions according to The Quran and Sunnah.

and most importantly, enjoy doing it!

Appreciate every family member, every friend, every moment!

This blog will continue to be used to freeze some moments, 

that I will surely remember ever so slightly due to my fast fast-paced life.

May they remind me of the fond memories that I have, 

only to remind me to be thankful.

and grateful.

ALHAMDULILLAHI RABBIL AALAMIN,

Ever So Powerful,

AL MAJEED,

The Most Magnificent!

p/s: if you freeze your own moments, please do share them with us by leaving a comment below. :)

That Golden Lining

Bismillahirrahmaaniraheem..

I have to admit that going through these days have been confusing and tough.

Juggling Obstetrics with Gyneacology, and Internal Medicine, and Pediatrics and Surgery

 at the same time.

I go through my days, planning to do a whole lot of things,

but ended up going through a whole different schedule.

SubhanALLAH for He is the Best Planner!

and even if I may not yet be able to see a silver lining,

just like those times it rained,

I will hold on to my faith,

and I am very sure that the 'lining' is going to be Golden this time.

even if both Ummi and Mashary struggles at bed time,

Ummi struggling to put him to bed,

and him struggling to stay awake to play !!

as soon as my baby closes his eyes and drifts off,

I will spend the last few minutes before going to sleep smiling and thanking ALLAH for giving me my best thing ever.

SubhanALLAH, Alhamdulillah.

and then I wish I could wake him up for another round of kisses and giggles!

Alhamdulillah for the beautiful people You Equip me with at this time of temporary cold storms.

I can definitely sense YOUR MERCY through 

my husband's smile, my mother's messages, my father's phone calls, my friends' generosity,my baby's voice, and many more.

They are my sunshine, 

They are my sugar,

They are my spark of fire.

even in the gravest moments,

ALHAMDULILLAH is my first ever word to be said!

for those in Lololooove..

Bismillah Walhamdulillah,

I am now currently sitting on the chilly marbles next to two sleeping beauties. It is rather peaceful tonight, especially because I have finished STEP no 2 of my pediatrics exam and STEP no 3 will be on Friday. and that's still a long way to go. Or so I think it is..haha..

So, I have decided to write this post due to some great news that I have received recently, of my bffs, on their road to that blessed union of marriage. And they are pretty( very!!) concerned about keeping their relationship a blessed one till they are officially married. Alhamdulillah and Congratulations in advance!

On that congratulation note, here is also a note for you girls to be extra careful. I was once in your situation and I totally understand all the temptations you are experiencing. So I am just going to share some advise though of course I'm not even near to being qualified to give advise, but hey, as a friend, why not right?

So, being engaged, formally or informally gives you the curiosity to get to know Mr Fiance (Mr F) more. and of course being in love makes you feel that you have to share everything with him! Happy times, sad times, some secrets of yours, and this makes you feel like you need to contact him every single day to sort of summarize all the events that happened to you in that day.

See, at first, things would seem pretty simple. But then the devilish Shaytaan will always be happy to drop by your conversation, and things might progress not for the better but for worse. Of course it won't happen over one text message or one phone call. But, as Shaytaan builds his house in your heart, first he brings his equipment, then they put up the walls, then their furniture, and then they happily dwell. in your heart. yes, the place only for ALLAH.

I am going to give you a simple formula and really hope that it would be able to help you just as much as it helped me.Here goes.

What you want (call to ask for his help) = x

What you hope to achieve (him helping you) = y

So, if you do call him, you will most possibly get your Y.

However if you recite Lailahaillallah and then put it to action you will definitely

 (don't trust me, but trust ALLAH) get a set from A-Z or even sometimes you'll get an # or & or ^, 

things beyond what you can imagine. like you get a free loading van to help move your things!!!

This formula has worked for me several times. I'm going to give you a few examples to make things simpler.

1. I really wanted to call my Fiancee to tell him about the Quran Course that I went to. All the amazing details that stopped my heart. But the I chose not to. and to my surprise, He has also gained those amazing from who knows where..not even with me telling him. huhm.

2. I really wanted to buy a dress but it was not really aurat covering or was it a bit too tight. I left it because of ALLAH, and next thing was I found a 10 times more beautiful dress that totally covers up and was much more cheaper.

3. Was really craving for Mc D. but said NO. Someone bought it to me for free the very next hour!!!

I think you get the point now.

You just have to say NO. or Lailahaillallah!

and the effects of you not pursuing what you wanted so much will only give you soo much more..and some times more that what you wanted. Sometimes even surprises.

I love surprises especially if it's from HIM. and it's to tell you that you've done a superb job. Isn't that more comforting than having your Mr F listening to all your problems, and sometimes they even might turn out to become misunderstandings and unwanted fights.

I wish the best for each of you and your Fiancees.

May ALLAH be the nearest to your soul than anyone else.

also may the shaytaan be the most furthest from you.

say Lailahaillallah.

act on it,

and you get the best of 'both worlds'.

I love you fillah.

so much that I would even teach Mashary to pray for Ummi's friends once he's able to.

The day will come and you'll both be very proud that you have proven that Allah Matters the most, though you are constantly being tested, insyaALLAH.

off-limits ?

Bismillahirrahmaaniraheem

Alhamdulillah, our little one has just fallen asleep, this time Ummi had to cuddle him to make him feel secure since Jiddah is not home.

I think he can definitely feel her absence that he had quite a tough time trying to sleep. 

May you have sweet sweet dreams, my Love.

Today, this post goes to my babies.

It is about having and understanding boundaries in life.

It is about being okay not to get what you want.

And it is crucially important to be okay.

and not to dwell or be frustrated.

and so my lecture begins,

Life, my dear is a very adventurous journey, where sometimes you have needs to be fulfilled.

However, some needs are just off-limits. 

Limits due to our religion, morality, financial support and others.

Examples are

you really want to go to that concert of your favourite band but you just can't.

you really want to get that yummy bite of McD's fries or cheese burger but you can't.

you really want to dress in Kate Middleton's dresses but of course you can't.

you really want to participate in a tournament that is on the same day of your  SPM seminar,and you can't.

It's also important to know that when you know what you want or you plan to do is off-limits, 

you'd better forget about it. it sounds simple,

 but really it is simple!

You just have to be strong enough to say NO to yourself. 

ok, this takes up a lot of strength,physicaly and mentally!! 

but that's why Ummi will always ask ALLAH to Grant you strength.

and the days will pass, and trust me, you will never feel remorse.

the days will pass and you will have missed the meal, or the concert, or buying something too expensive, and you will have forgotten about them. 

and you will be A-okay!

These temptations come quite often though.

So hold on tight to your faith and you'll make it thru,

you might make a mistake or two, that's okay,

as long as you learn the lesson of,

You cannot always get what you want.

Let's just focus on getting what we want in the hereafter, 'cause of course everything we have now is only temporary, 

everything will go away.surely.

So build your castle in the hereafter, wait, hold on now to get whatever you want later,eternally ! insyaALLAH.

Our first bundle of joy..

Bismillah Walhamdulillah !!

I have just finished feeding Muhammad Mashary Zidane!! yet another achievement to make him full and sound asleep, for only ALLAH is the Provider for all his needs, our needs..

The birth of this little khalifa brought joy to us all, Alhamdulillah. It was an easy and fast delivery..

on September the 2nd, 2012

2 a.m

I felt the unbearable pangs of contractions..however when I tried to time them, they were not regular, hence not an alarming sign of labour..However the pain was not reduced by lying down, I couldn't go to sleep. I remember my hubby telling me to go to snooze off and the pain would go away, as usual. But this time it wasn't going away!

3a.m

Knocked on Mama's door to tell her bout the pain, however she told me I wasn't in labor cause the contractions were not regular.So I decided to go to the washroom and get ready for bed.but by then I was already bleeding.fresh blood. Mama timed my contractions and they started to become regular..1 every 5 minutes!

4am

Getting ready for the hospital. Alhamdulillah the baby's equipments were all ready and packed. The contraction pain was still bearable at this point. Papa had diarhea so only mama accompanied us to the hospital

5.30 am

Admitted to the labour room. The Midwife tried to measure the cervical opening but she couldn\t do it because there was fresh blood.She was concerned that my history of placenta praevia was still...praevia!!

Then she called the Dr and the Dr ordered to check it anyways. So up to this point the opening was 2cm.

6.45 am

Dr Ani came and burst up my water bag...it wasn\t really that painful..but it was scary..then the contractions started to become a liiiitle unbearable..Dr Ani had to give me pitocin..the name of drug that i would never forget to augment my contractions..and they became..MONSTROUS!!! After some discussion, I decided to take the miracle drug called the epidural..and Alhamdulillah, the pain decreased... :)

8.00 am

The midwife did another check up and I was already open by 8cm..

9.30 am

Our Little Caliph was born, with a slight cry, but then with eyes wandering around.ever so curious to his new surroundings.

Assalamualaika Ya Muhammad Mashary Zidane !!!

Ahlan wasahlan wa Marhaban Bik!

We welcome you with Tahmeed to the One who created you,

and may we become the parents who are the best in comforting you,

and may we become the best in introducing you to the One who Loves you the most,

ALLAHU SUBHANAHU WATAALA,

and may we be the best examples to familiarize you to the Nobleness of,

MUHAMMAD SAW.

Recite the 'Happy Verse'

Bismillah Walhamdulillah..

I am still able to breath the air in, still able to consume food and drinks , still able to get enough sleep, still able to accompany my hubby, still able to read and gain knowledge..oh I just realised that this list goes on and on..mashaALLAH..

in this hardest time..I could still write a list of things I'm thankful for..including moving to our new apartment..soon..:) Alhamdulillah...

Lately I've been worrying a lot!
Hubby's Final Exams,
My own studies and exams,
with anemia and fainting spells,
missed tuition classes and unsatisfactory attendances in class.

and currently
am having Placenta Praevia Type 2..
to travel back to malaysia or not..

Last few days have been very hectic as  we were forced to make decisions despite my need to completely rest in bed..

and I realised how weak I was, how weak we humans are, as we do not even have the strength to decide..I remember just putting my hands up for dua and just 'feeling' the Presence and Greatness of ALLAH.

and reading the Quran just for the sake of submitting, and not gaining anything more than just to feel the submission..

For only that made me feel better..

Alhamdulillah with the help of Hubby and my parents, also The OBGYN Specialists, we were able to come to a decision. However even that decision is doubtful.

and to have so many doubts coming..one after another.. I decided and vowed to just stop worrying and just to recite the happy verse loudly or silently,

"Hasbunallah wa ni'mal wakeel, ni'mal maula wa ni'mannaseer"

For I am unable to for see the future,
I am not capable to predict anything,
I will stop worrying cause I am only Human,
and I submit everything only to You,
because I so know that everything is written,
and everything is for the better, the best!
Just let me know that You are near,
and allow me to feel that everything is under control,
I shall not worry,
and I will be happy.

May the rainbows reveal themselves soon,insyaALLAH..
Ummi, baby and daddy are reciting this ' happy verse',

what about you?

My First Surprise Baby Shower!!

Bismillahirrahmaanirraheem..

This post is soo long overdue.. but I promised myself to write about it no matter what, because it tells a story of celebrating babies, food and most importantly friendship!

Last Friday, I was invited to Beit HK for lunch, Aisyah told me that Najwa was gonna make laksa penang as I was craving for it..So I was more than happy to have lunch with them that day..However my stove was having a few problems of its own that I had to delay our lunch date because Hubby's lunch was not ready yet..Alhamdulillah I managed to prepare a very simple lunch and rushed off to the HKs immediately..Hubby told me several times not to prepare his lunch on that day but I felt guilty leaving him 'lunchless'..hehe..

I had to climb 5 flights of stairs!! i really took my time...one flight at a time, as I just recovered from a fever..I had less energy to literally do anything at a high speed..haha..however that climb was worth it when Najwa opened the door and I saw sooo many girls shouting out 'surprise!!!!'

I was so shocked and was so close to tears..but I became tearless due to too much crying before this..and i thought this is moment to celebrate not to cry over! hahahha...so the tears remained unteared.. :)

There were yummy food served, from laksa penang, to laksam, to deserts like Duta's famous chocolate cake and nutella cupcakes by Hanim, and a kind of oat shortbread by Ihsan..Of course the main menu were prepared by masterchef Najwa Anis and the gang..haha..MashaALLAH..I had soo may choices of food!!! Baby could not have been happier..hahah..

After that Nurul and Aisyah conducted baby shower games..and we all had a good laugh..

Never to forget the decorations beautifully done...by Nuna and the HKs..they were soo creative!!

all in all, I had a good time..
I thank all my friends- those who planned, those who helped, those who came and celebrated, you kno who you are..:)

I thank ALLAH for Loving  me so much as He Showered me with the love of my friends..at times when I count my tears more than my smiles..really only ALLAH Knows my condition at that time and how all of you have brightened my rainy , stormy days...