Friday, 25 November 2011

My very first baby. is back where it belongs.

This is Adam, one of the cutest baby I've ever seen.

Dear Allah,

Firstly I'd like to thank You for all Your blessings of giving me a wonderful husband, whom I enjoy getting to know more and more everyday. Getting to know him has made me gain new experiences, with new dreams, new goals to achieve, may it be personally or something we both share together.

Thank You also for giving me the chance to be pregnant even for very few days. It has changed me as a person and the way I look into the world now, especially into the eyes of the mothers.

I have had the chance to feel the love of a mother to her child and it was amazing. For those few days I have felt very nervous as i thought that a huge responsibility has been assigned to me. Every day I want to become a better person, and every move I make sure is a good influence and according to the Sunnah.I was just  uplifted by the joy of being able to conceive.

Despite all the joy that I have, I felt very nervous as the age of the baby was going to reach the 6th week, when the baby gets its Ruh and heartbeat. This was a great and grand event and I considered it unworldly cause it was only going to take a miracle for things like that to happen. and only You my ALLAH, is the Master of all miracles. I was praying hard that the miracle would overwhelm me in a good way.

But things didn't get that far. I'm sorry that during all the pain I was thinking too much of myself mostly. I became confused of what to pray for. I wanted this baby but it is You isn't it who Makes the choice? In the end I prayed for the best. It was really hard to see that my progress was not for the better. It was sad to see how spirited my husband was eventhough I knew it has came to the end.

But I still thank You, for those few days you have made our marriage stronger. We have both grown closer to each other thru the struggles. Perhaps this is the gift behind the pain that we had. That we could both look into each other's eyes and thank You for giving us the gift of companionship.and I still thank You for giving me a surprise of ability to do good in the exam. I remember standing still at the 4th station thanking you, still feeling that it was unbelievable that my paper was not empty.

and most of all I thank you, that you gave me such a wonderful experience. I now understand how a mother feels of her babies. ok maybe only 2 % of it. but as people around me told me "Probably the next one would be better" I said to myself, "If that baby was mine, there's no way the second is any better than this one.My baby is perfect, whether he makes it out or not." And thus I understand there is no preference in the love of a mother to their children. They're all the same, all of them equally perfect. :)

I realised a mother's love was really overwhelming. Credits to my mother.and my mother's mother. and my father's mother, and my husband's mother, and to all the mothers in the world. Oh you are soo blessed. so blessed with so much love, uncontainable love. unconditional love, great , huge, grand grand love.

Credits to the ArRahmaan. The source of all the love in the world , even those unworldly ones.

"Bayangkan kasih sayang seorang ibu dan kalikan dengan seribu. atau kalikan dengan sejuta, atau pun lebih dari itu.Itu pun belum boleh menggambarkan Kasih Sayang ALLAH."

Oh Allah. Allah. Allah!

I thank You and I love You.
Please Love me back. and my husband too, and my family and friends too, and my future babies too(if You Will)
Gather us in Your Love together with ArRasul Al Ameen, Nabiyyu SAW.

Ameen ya Rabb.

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