The Finals Fever

Last year during his finals,

I would go to sleep during every paper,

because I was too nervous to stay awake.

This time I will be wide awake in my Surgery Class.

I wonder if I will pay any attention to the Professor.

Bismillahitawakkalna 'alALLAH,

Wa lahawla walaquwwata illa Billahil 'Aliyyil 'Adzeem.

Ya Rabb!

Surrender before You Begin

Ba is for Bismillahirrahmaanirraheem
and B for Buttons that do not function during summer ;)

Today I am going to write about something that has changed in my life. I'm going to share an experience that I had almost six years ago while I was in the First Year of Medical School.

It was the first day of school, and I remember being so excited!

 I gathered my books and stationary all ready to delve into the madness of becoming a medical student.

 However to my surprise, the first lecture we had was being taught in an arabic medium. 

and so were the other following lectures. 

My excitement turned into slight disappointment.

I mean, regardless of any course you are taking, you will definitely face difficulties in understanding them if they were taught in a foreign language.

 Especially if the language was far beyond the formal teachings you learnt in school due to its modification to its locality, the accents, slang and all.

.

So at that point, I remember coming home, understanding only 10 % of the lecture 

and then had to drill my brain studying more and more. It was tough.

 But I got through it with a Beautiful Help from ALLAH.

It was an Aya in Suratul Baqarah that I routinely recite before class. However only at that point that it touched me.

This was the miracle

 قَالُواْ سُبۡحَـٰنَكَ لَا عِلۡمَ لَنَآ إِلَّا مَا عَلَّمۡتَنَآ‌ۖ إِنَّكَ أَنتَ ٱلۡعَلِيمُ ٱلۡحَكِيمُ

They said: Be glorified! We have no knowledge saving that which Thou hast taught us. Lo! Thou, only Thou, art the Knower, the Wise. (32)

I remember reciting it with all my heart at the beginning of  every lecture and I still do.

Everytime I do it, I always feel so small, so tiny, so humble.

It is because that, I know that whatever I am going to learn in that session is going to be bizzarre information

 that sometimes even my brain cannot contain it.

 I feel like everything is too complicated for me. 

So THAT is when I submit and glorify ALLAH. 

It is because, everything that is about to be taught is known to Him.

 as He is The Creator to all the knowledge, may they be simple, or overwhelmingly complicated.

So I surrender.

I surrender even before I listen to the first word from the lecturer.

I surrender even though I know it's the simplest thing ever.

I surrender even before I become too sleepy due to the lengthy discussions.

  

I surrender because I realize that no matter how easy or difficult the knowledge is.

 It is He who Has the Power to Bestow upon me understanding or otherwise.

 In that Class of 30, it is He who Selects

 the person whom He Wants to Grant Understanding upon

of either a certain topic or the whole subject.

 I mean, the lecture could be in English and Professor could be so interesting. But for all you know, you'd be sleepy or imagining lunch at that time. Hence, the statement above.

 Or it could be a complex biochemical reaction not only breaking your brains but also your heart! but you could be so alert that you'll remember them till the they you die.

So, I practise this dua everyday. 

It is very short, but everytime I recite it, my heart says,

"Right now I'm zero and helpless.

 Please grant me understanding of this knowledge by the Greatness of Your Power. 

Because You are The Creator, I ask to understand the whole lecture.

 But it is also within Your Power to Save some information to keep my wanting for more. 

After all they're all Yours

 and I surrender."

So the thing that changed in my life that I mentioned earlier, is the way I view knowledge.

It has made my studies less stressful and enjoyable.

Every lesson is a lesson not only between me and my teacher,

but also a very formal one between me and my Creator.

Muhammad Mashary Zidane uttered his first 'ba' letter a few days ago just before Maghrib.

and a few more times for his Walid after Maghrib,

Today, he refused to do so, maybe we should move on to 'ma' 

hahaha

anyways, Good Job Baby!

 wa 'ala kulli haaalin,

SUBHANALLAH !

GLORY BE TO ALLAH!

That Golden Lining

Bismillahirrahmaaniraheem..

I have to admit that going through these days have been confusing and tough.

Juggling Obstetrics with Gyneacology, and Internal Medicine, and Pediatrics and Surgery

 at the same time.

I go through my days, planning to do a whole lot of things,

but ended up going through a whole different schedule.

SubhanALLAH for He is the Best Planner!

and even if I may not yet be able to see a silver lining,

just like those times it rained,

I will hold on to my faith,

and I am very sure that the 'lining' is going to be Golden this time.

even if both Ummi and Mashary struggles at bed time,

Ummi struggling to put him to bed,

and him struggling to stay awake to play !!

as soon as my baby closes his eyes and drifts off,

I will spend the last few minutes before going to sleep smiling and thanking ALLAH for giving me my best thing ever.

SubhanALLAH, Alhamdulillah.

and then I wish I could wake him up for another round of kisses and giggles!

Alhamdulillah for the beautiful people You Equip me with at this time of temporary cold storms.

I can definitely sense YOUR MERCY through 

my husband's smile, my mother's messages, my father's phone calls, my friends' generosity,my baby's voice, and many more.

They are my sunshine, 

They are my sugar,

They are my spark of fire.

even in the gravest moments,

ALHAMDULILLAH is my first ever word to be said!

A Studying Mother.

Bismillahirrahmaanirraheem.

Alhamdulillahi Rabbil Aalamin for a beautiful Friday.

The Boys (Walid and Mashary's Uncles) left for a day trip to Port Said after brunch leaving Mashary and Ummi with Ummujiddah Khyriyah at home. We pray that you guys have a safe trip and come back with lots of seafood!!! heheh..

Alhamdulillah for it has been a week since our family got reunited in Mansoura and this also means Ummi gets back to focusing on studies and exams.

only 7 days more to the Paediatrics written exam and I'm feeling quite nervous.However I will do my best to face the paper,smiling hopefully!!!.

It's true that the new academic year has not yet begun but I am already starting to feel very grateful that Mashary came to light up our lives while we arestill studying..

I've been inspired by so many amazing mothers who are great at work but also successful in being a mother!

I wish to be one of them insyaALLAH.

I am very happy that I get to spend a whole lot of time with my little darling while trying my best to finish reading up a topic or so.Since babies need a lot of attention, I am satisfied and thankful with the time given to me to be a mother to my son, that is to feed him, to bathe him, to talk to him, to play with him, to teach him, and to comfort him and put him to bed.

Of course, I also need some time to study but I think that being a mother before having to work gives us both more time to spend with each other, and this is verrryyy important not only to culture a healthy relationship but also in nurturing the baby's needs, physically, emotionally, and spiritually.
Alhamdulillah.

The day will come when the time spent with my Little Mashary becomes less,
I really can't imagine that,
but I know I have to learn to put my trust in ALLAH,
and pray that He Educates Mashary by Sending 'His Angels' in the form of nursery caretakers,
school teachers, bus drivers, and many other important roles that Mashary will get to know in the future.

However, as for now, I will continue to give my 200% into making this boy the luckiest one, insyaALLAH.

May the milk, the hugs, the kisses, the songs we sing together, the talks we have that you enjoy so much, and the fun lessons we have make you a more confident person when you grow up.
And may some weakness of Ummi and Walid, make you a person of patience,
May you grow strong,inside and out, my love.
May The Creator Protect you always.

Ameen, Ya Rahmaan, Ya Raheem.

Medicine vs. All-time favourite

Bismillahirrahmaanirraheem,

I am writing this post solely to remind myself of why I decided to pursue Medicine.

Just so that I hold on tight to this path,

despite any challenges, surprises, along its way..

insyaALLAH.

The story began almost 5 years ago when I got my SPM Results.

and it did not allow me to pursue medicine here in Malaysia. Therefore, my hopes to become a doctor were almost shattered. I got an offer to do engineering instead. I was confused at that point as I believe that nothing is a coincident. Therefore there must be a reason to why engineering was offered to me. I got really confused on what I should do. 

And then, I came across the advertisement in the newspaper, and apparently, my results suit the qualifications required in Mansoura University, Egypt. After performing the magical Solat Istikharah, I remember only performing it once, after Isyaa.and I already got my answer. No. Not in my dreams. To me, my answers came with a sense of peace and calmness, it was as if I have found my path. and I don't feel worried or sad or curious about the choice, it was as if, I submitted and was ready to face it and journey thru it. Calm and confident. SubhanALLAH.

A lil reminder of how I used to hate the idea of becoming a doctor, beacuse of the workload, and the limited time I'll have to spend to do other fun things. It's as if I'm going to have to work hard throughout my life. Life is short, why not enjoy it??

Then comes another reason to why I decided to journey this path is because I went thru a course, ESQ Leadership Training in particular. and Alhamdulillah I had the opportunity to restate my mission, and that is to return safely to ALLAH SWT with a Sound Heart. sobs. InsyaALLAH.

And I also realised that I'll have to buy myself a ticket to enter Jannah, and in what way may I achieve that?

Then, I realised that I have to really work hard. like to really spend my time to only do the Ibaadaat as submission to ALLAH.One good deed can easily buy you a ticket to Jannah. However, as humans, we have no idea which good deed will ALLAH make a reason to buy that Golden Ticket.

I chose to do Medicine so that I could work hard. because only by working hard can I multiply my good deeds hoping! that ALLAH will count them as  sincere acts and save me from the hellfire. Naudzubillah. :(

So, a note to myself, whenever you think that Medicine or anything else is 'killing' you. Know that ALLAH is watching every action you do. and as long as you're sincere, it's a form of ibaadah. and never forget the Jannah, as that is the only place where you will get to rest,and be happy of course, Eternally.

So please, work hard, be sincere, face every challenge with leaps of faith..

Buying a ticket isnt that easy. so do your best to impress!

sobs.

sobs.sobs.sobs.

I really hope I can. 

ameen, Ya Samee'.

ALLAHU RABBUL 'AALAMEEN.

p/s:
when you feel tired and torn, just close your eyes and imagine the Jannah.your tears, sweat will be paid off one day. more than worth it!

psst:
you might even experience 'syurga sebelum Syurga' if ALLAH Wills it.

My all-time favourite :)