my heart is an oven: October 2013

Bismillahirrahmaanirraheem,

Alhamdulillah we have safely returned back to our second home in Egypt.

The weather is starting to get chilly, so as my feelings towards this place, somehow gone cold.

It's been a week or so since we returned back to reality. The adaptation process has taken quite a bit more time due to the condition of the house that was full of dust.It was as if a sandstorm occured inside the house!

Back in Malaysia, I was telling everfyone that staying in Malaysia will not do much good to my studies as the commitments were piling and piling every second we stayed. Alhamdulillah most of them were fulfilled however there were also many important things that we had to skip due to uncertain circumstances.

Talking bout uncertainty, I remember that day we went to Putrajaya to attend the gathering of Malaysian students studying in Egypt. It occured to me that, it would be very interesting if someone could photograph the event and focus on facial expressions of the students,parents, and even their relatives on that day.It would seem like a normal gathering where friends meet up, still smiling and laughing, however you could definitely , sense or even see the worries on their faces, the aura of, uncertainty. And to me, that is one of the biggest tests a human being could get. Imagine having to walk straight ahead, without destinations, without an end.

For me and my family, it was only tawakkal and istikharah that helped us through.

Back to where I am right now, this week has been a challenging one, as my assumptions of how I can really study and focus on my exams became the complete opposite when my son refuses to attend the daycare. He would scream-cry the whole day! Then I became speechless, devoid of any thoughts and ideas on how to cope. It was as if I was giving in.

However, SubhanALLAH, ALLAH Reveals His Presence in so many ways, and this time it was through a video that I shared on fb yesterday. From then on, I vowed just to sincerely accept whatever circumstances. Like I would spend precious time, chasing, feeding, dancing, reading to my child when he's awake, and then read up and memorize as much as I can while he's asleep. The challenge is to lay next to him and not sleep. haha.

Alhamdulillah I am very glad to report that Mashary has successfully attended his daycare today!

I managed to gobble up quite a number of topics,Alhamdulillah!

And as I was listening to the lectures on the laptop, Mashary suddenly woke up and I ran over to hug him back to sleep.As I looked to his face, I see a little boy who is learning to love, learning to show affection to his mom and dad. Learning so many things everyday and wanting to perform them to his parents to get a round of applause. Whom at certain time, has to cope with entertaining himself while his parents are too tired.

I really feel so bad.

So here's the deal.

Whenever you're in school, I pray that you'll have so much fun learning about the world around you.

but whenever you're home, it'll be only you and me, doing all the wonderful things like we've never done them before.no tired faces,no reason not to repeat your favorites.

May ALLAH Grant me strength to provide the best emotional support for my baby.

May ALLAH Grant my baby strength to be confident to interact with the strange outside world.

Please Please Please.

Ameen.

p/s: one more lecture till I hug you until Fajr.

inshaALLAH

Fa HuwarRAHMAAN.